Jacksonville Wedding Photography | Jen's Photo Journal

I’m leavin today
Livin’ it, leaving it to change

Slowly drifting into a peaceful breeze
Tounge tied and twisted are all my memories
Celebrating a fantasy come true
Packing all my bags
Finally on the move

I’m leavin today
I’m living it, I’m leaving it to change

As I’m driving, I’m captured by the view of
So much beauty, the road becomes my muse
The heat is rising, and my hand surfs through the wind
Cool, calm, collective is the child that lies within

See I’m leavin today
I’m living it, oh I’m leaving it to change
See I believe in today
Oh yes, I’m living it, I’m leaving it to change
But somehow I’ll miss it
I think I’ll really miss it, one day, ooh!

I turn up the radio
And I’m feeling like I’ve never felt before
Turn down the memories of yesteryears and broken dreams
I bring, finally free

Slowly drifting into a peaceful breeze…
I’m leavin today
Oh yes, I’m living it, leaving it to change
Oh no, see I believe in today
I’m living it
Leaving to change
I’m leavin today
Living it, leaving to change
Living, leaving to change
Living it, leaving it
Said I’m living it, I’m leaving it
Living it, leaving it to change
I’m leaving it to change
But somehow I’ll miss it, I think I’ll really miss it one day

Now that my days at Aetna are over and we are moving back to Jacksonville, I find myself listening to Christina Aguilera’s Stripped album again. For those of you who didn’t get a chance to read the story about how my life is changing and my response to the negativity surrounding it, you can read it here. A few nights ago, Colby and I went out to enjoy the last sunset we will get to enjoy together in Illinois. The other sunsets, well, I don’t get to see those because I’m busy packing… Anyway, we drove around Joliet and south of Joliet to the Elwood area. I think we ended up even further south than Elwood, but, nonetheless, it was beautiful. As I was taking pictures in an area that looked like it could be wine country, I turned back to check on Colby and his eyes looked a bit teary. I asked if he was ok and he said he was fine, but I still wonder if he was realizing that this was the last sunset we’d get to enjoy together as this chapter of our lives closes.

The days to come are going to be tough. Colby will coming to Florida, staying for a week, then coming back to Illinois and living with his boss until he is able to secure a job. We’ve done a long distance relationship before, but now that we’re married, I think it will be more difficult to be apart. You see, when he left to go to Moody 5 years ago, he promised I’d have a ring on my finger before he left, but…. Guess who got cold feet and didn’t propose? That’s right. So I wasn’t totally convinced we were going to make it. After all, he was going off to Moody. MOODY! You know, where there is nothing but Christians? I was sure he was going to find someone else who led a better life than me, that was going into ministry like him, and that would go into ministry with him and I’d be nothing but a story from the past… Because of that, I built up these walls to try to not be hurt if that day ever came, so it was easier to say goodbye when he left. Don’t get me wrong, I loved him, but my first instinct is to always protect my heart so when the blow comes, it doesn’t hurt so much and doesn’t take as long to get past. This time, though, we are married. There are no walls to build up and I’ve been crying like a moody teenager knowing that I’m gonna have to take him to the airport and say goodbye to him for who knows how long. Even as I write this, I’m starting to cry. I don’t want to say goodbye but we have to right now. I need to start trying to fly with my new pair of wings. We needed to secure a place to live before the short sale ruined our credit for the next two years. Ugh. Yeah, I know. A lot of personal info, but I guess it’s all part of my blog being personal to me and sharing my life with anyone willing to read it.

My husband listens to a lot of Coldplay. He LOVES Coldplay. There’s one song that he sings a lot in a girly voice that makes me laugh, but ironically it’s about a couple who end up being apart (she dies, but that’s obviously not happening in my situation). Anyway, just about any Coldplay song reminds me of him and I’m sure I’ll wind up crying anytime I hear Coldplay, but, for now, there is one song that does it… If you read my “Layoff” blog, then you know how important music is in helping me get through things. Anyway, there’s a line that says, “Nobody said it was easy. It’s such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard.” And it’s true. It’s so hard even before it’s begun, but with every new chapter in life comes pain from closing another chapter; pain from things that you may have to sacrifice to start your new chapter. When I walked back down the aisle after marrying Colby I never though I’d have to go through life alone again but here I am, 4 years later, and am about to embark on life alone again. Yes, I’ll have my family and friends back, and they’ll have to keep me busy for awhile until Colby comes back, but Colby completes me. He’s my other half. He “gets” me. He’s my family. He’s my best friend. All of his things will be in my new home, but he won’t be there. I’ll get to hear his voice and see him over the computer, but not in person. I’m gonna miss him so much. I don’t know why God has it planned this way. Maybe there are things we have to learn but can’t while we’re living in the same place. Maybe there are ways we need to grow that we can’t if we are together. I don’t know.  I just… don’t…. know…. Honey-I love you and I’m gonna miss you so much!

Anyway, not to depress you! ha! Anyway, here are some photos from our last sunset.

Jen Shannon Photography, Florida Wedding Photographer